


Kiss Me. I'm Desperate

by SleepingReader



Series: YouTuber Jaskier [2]
Category: Wiedźmin | The Witcher - All Media Types
Genre: 2020 words is better than 2020 years yeehaw, Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Cirilla Fiona Elen Riannon Ships It, Fluff, Geralt z Rivii | Geralt of Rivia is Cirilla Fiona Elen Riannon's Parent, Humor, Inspired by Youtube, M/M, No sad there's enough sad already fuck sad, YouTuber Jaskier, dares
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-04-19
Updated: 2020-04-19
Packaged: 2021-03-01 16:55:27
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,020
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23740426
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SleepingReader/pseuds/SleepingReader
Summary: It was the 19th of June, and this meant that Jaskier Alfred Pankraz had gone 3 years, seven months and twenty-seven dates without being kissed.Normally, this was ok, he was a busy guy!But when he laments this to his friends ONE TIME, that asshole Valdo Marx immediately suggests taking a sign to the streets and dares to place 20 bucks on a bet against Jaskier being kissed.Anything to get Valdo Marx to lose money.
Relationships: Geralt z Rivii | Geralt of Rivia/Jaskier | Dandelion
Series: YouTuber Jaskier [2]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1710067
Comments: 12
Kudos: 273





	Kiss Me. I'm Desperate

It was the 19th of June, and this meant that Jaskier Alfred Pankraz had gone 3 years, seven months and twenty-seven dates without being kissed.  
Normally, this didn't bother him so much. It was just life, you know. Sometimes, you'd have a lot of dates, and sometimes you didn't. Sure, three years seemed like a long time, but he had been busy! His job at the music store was demanding enough, plus the lessons he gave to kids in the evenings, accompanied by his youTube channel, where he put everything ranging from playing songs to small challenged his subscribers sent him.  
He'd been busy! Too busy for kissing.  
Or was he? Was he too busy, or was he slowly but surely sinking into that old lovely pool of self-loathing. Was he unworthy of being kissed? Did these three years made him less attractive? Had he gained or lost too much weight to be desirable?  
Nope. When Jaskier looked into the mirror, he could still see his own face grinning back at him. He could still see his bright eyes, his dark hair and the seductive smile that had made a lot of people fall for him at school.  
But being away from school also meant being away from members of the same age group. Jaskier adored working in the music store, but his interest in the customers was purely professional. He had once made eyes at a woman with the most perfect piano fingers, but had quickly learned she wasn't interested when her girlfriend came up behind her, showing a guitar.  
Then there had been the very attractive man with the interesting eyes and the white hair last week. Jaskier had adviced him about the best way to annoy someone to no end. But the handsome man had never set foot in Cintra's Music Shop again after buying 50 cheap kazoos and a discounted trumpet.

Sadly, Calanthe, his boss, didn't really encourage flirting at work.  
In any case, Jaskier was single, alone, and most annoyingly: unkissed.

He was lamenting this to a group of his friends at the local Irish Pub when his least favourite friend suggested something, sounding rather bored.  
'Why don't you just make a sign saying 'Kiss Me I'm Desperate and stand on the street to film it for your channel.' ' Valdo Marx drawled.  
'Yeah, but...' Triss Marigold, a more favourite friend of Jaskier's said. 'Why?'

But the cogs in Jaskiers head started to turn. Picking up on this, Valdo Marx (who somehow insisted on being called by both first and last name) looked him dead in the eye and said: '20 bucks says he'll get slapped.'  
Triss, never one to back down from a challenge, said: '20 says he 's gonna be kissed. I've seen Jaskier make friends on the bus in 5 minutes.'  
And that was Jaskier's downfall.  
Anything to make Valdo Marx lose 20 bucks.  
Having convinced Triss to film him for his YouTube channel, Jaskier set out to made a sign. It took him a few tries to get the words right, because like all beginner sign makers, he started writing it in the middle and had to start over.  
He got it eventually, and picked a busy day to stand on the broadwalk leading to the coast. He set up his lute, because no way was he doing this without it, and set the sign at his legs.

**'KISS ME, I'M DESPERATE'**

He started playing, but only songs about kissing.  
At first, people just giggled and pointed. A few people grabbed their phones and snapped a picture. Jaskier kept smiling cheerfully at the people.  
Fifteen minutes passed and Jaskier began feeling rather stupid. He had put on a nice outifit, and Triss had said his hair looked great. Were people not attracted to him after all? Was he being out of line?  
Then, a young boy walked up to him with a golden retriever puppy. He held up the puppy to Jaskier's face, and the dog licked his nose. Jaskier laughed and accepted the sloppery kiss. The boy giggled. After that icebreaker, a young tourist walked up to him and gave him a kiss on thecheek. The girl ran away, giggling to her friend who ran up as well to give him a kiss on the cheek.  
An old lady who smelled only faintly of desinfectant and mothballs gave Jaskier such a grandmotherly kiss that tears formed in his eyes, thinking of his own grandma.  
The next hour, Jaskier was kissed by what seemed to be every kind of woman on the boardwalk. A tanned surfer lady with a hot pink bathing suit kissed him lightly on the mouth. A mother with twins kissed his forehead. Two teenage girls kissed him on the cheek together, taking a selfie. A very shy guy came up to him and clumsily kissed him, too.  
A group of girls, presumably on a hen night, all kissed him so full on the lips that even Triss couldn't make out what colour the lipstick was.  
When he had discreetly wiped that off, he was almost run off by the upcoming groom, but eventually convinced the man that it was just for a video. He bought the man a beer to make up for it. He even offered to kiss the groom to 'make it even' but was rewarded by a good-natured punch in the shoulder before the man staggered back to his stag night friends.  
A few people doubled back after giggling to kiss him anyway.  
Two more dogs were held up. One older terrier who seemed stuck between licking Jaskier or biting his nose off, and one enormous Newfoundlander who nearly crushed Jaskier's lute trying to get to his face.  
A police agent tried to give him a ticket for unlicenced busking, but found out Jaskier wasn't getting paid so he went to write parking tickets instead.  
It was getting to be late afternoon. Neon signs flashed on around the boardwalk, promising money, food and other pleasures, and Jaskier decided to wait five minutes more before going home. He predicted that his video would be a huge success. Triss had done exemplary camera work, even making sure to set up one to film people's reactions. None of the kisses had sparked anything, but Jaskier decided that that was okay. Some had been very nice kisses, like the one from the extremely scary-looking woman that Jaskier hoped he would never see again and Triss hoped she would definitely see again.  
He started on his last song of the evening, Kiss From A Rose. A giggle came from further along the boardwalk, where a young girl with bright blonde hair was shoving her father in the direction of Jaskier.  
The father, who was extremely well-built and looked vaguely familiar, complained about gravity becoming too much for him and leaned back so far that the girl was almost crushed by his weight. That is, until two other men hoisted the father up from the girl and started pushing the man towards Jaskier again. The men looked similar enough to be the girl's uncles, and it seemed as if there was no fighting them.  
It was only when they came closer that Jaskier recognised the father.  
Oh.  
_Oh._

Geralt had been having a decent time at the boardwalk. He, Lamber and Eskel had dropped Ciri off with Yennefer to do some clothes shopping and had gone to the new Mad Max movie together. Afterwards, they accompanied Ciri to the arcade that sat next to it. It had been a very good day.  
Until Ciri suddenly giggled and pointed at a man in the distance. His face was pretty vague from this far away, but his music and the sign at his feet were very clear.

**'KISS ME. I'M DESPERATE'**

Geralt saw a young girl rush over and kiss the man on the cheek. Ciri giggled again and started pushing Geralt.  
'Ciri, what...?'  
'Daaaad, he's _desperate_. Yennefer told me about himmm.'  
'Doesn't mean shit.'  
'Mind your fucking language, dad.' Ciri grinned as she attempted to push Geralt towards the man with the sign. Damn, she was getting strong. He was being pushed much faster than he would have been 2 years ago.  
'I can't.' Geralt said. 'Gravity is closing down on me. It's getting so. Heavy. I can't. Stand.'  
He started putting his full weight on Ciri, knowing she could probably take it.  
'Oh no you don't.' Eskel's rough voice came from beside him and he felt two more hands at his back, followed by Lambert's hands.  
'No. No. No.' Geralt complained in vain.  
Fuck.  
With the three of them at his back, it was impossible for Geralt to get out without causing a very big scene that might get him arrested or at the very least scolded.  
Fine.  
He let himself be pushed towards the man.  
Strange, he thought he remembered that shirt. And those eyes.  
Oh.  
_Oh._

Jaskier immediately knew who was in front of him. It wasn't easy to forget a figure like that.  
Geralt immediately knew who it was, standing before him. Hard to forget such a personality.  
They also knew the other had recognised them.

'Hm.'  
'Yeah.'

'You two know each other or what?' Lambert piped up from behind them.  
'Recommended the kazoos.' Geralt said.  
'And the trumpet.' Jaskier added, looking sideways at the large man, hoping he had not been the butt of that joke. But Lambert lit up immediately with a huge belly-laugh.  
'Best prank ever.' he said. 'Well?' he added, giving Geralt another shove for good measure.  
Geralt didn't even stumble this time.  
'Listen, you don't have to, it's for a video, there's no pressure, really.' Jaskier said, trying to break the ice.  
'Not sure if I'm your type.' Geralt said.  
'His type is 'Desperate'' Eskel hollered.  
'Oh you are _definitely_ my type, so no worries there, I can't be clearer about how much my type you are, really.' Jaskier said.  
Geralt shrugged. He gently took Jaskier's lute from his hands and swung it so it ended up on the man's back.  
Then he grabbed his face in his hands and kissed him so thoroughly Jaskier saw stars.  
It took only a quarter of a second for him to start kissing back as enthusiastically. Geralt even dipped Jaskier slightly, after which Jaskier barely contained a moan and threaded his hands through Geralt's hair.  
When they finally broke apart, Geralt took one look at Jaskier and strode offscreen, trying desperately to hide his blush under the cheering of his brothers and daughter.

Triss professionally turned the camera on to Jaskier's dumbstruck face.  
Jaskier stumbled back a step, then a giant grin lit up his enitre being. He ran to his nearby backpack, pulled out a sharpie and scrawled something on the back of the sign.  
'Hey!'

**'ANyONE fOR mCdoNALds?'**

He held it up for Geralt and his friends to see. Geralt looked over at Eskel, Lambert and Ciri apprehensively, but Ciri already ran up to Jaskier and took him by the hand to drag him along. Eskel and Lambert clapped him on the back as they passed. Triss, grinning at the fact that Jaskier made friends in five minutes again, followed along. Geralt went to stand next to Jaskier and smiled down at him.  
'So I take it the kazoos were a succes?'  
'The asshole didn't even finish his speech.' Geralt said.  
'Oh, _you_ brought those kazoos!' Triss said. She had nasty memories of the homophobic, racist, sexist asshole who had taken up a soapbox to shout offensive shit on in the park near the high school, and very fond memories about driving him off.  
'And the trumpet.' Geralt added helpfully.  
Eskel and Lambert laughed and slung an arm around Ciri's shoulders, walking behind Triss and accompanying all of them to the McDonalds.  
Halfway there, Jaskier finally took up the courage to say something to Geralt.  
'Didn't catch your name there. I'm Jaskier.'  
'Geralt.'  
Jaskier nodded. Then, he looked slyly sideways at him.  
'So... Geralt. Any chance for another kiss, or should I buy you dinner first?'  
Jaskier didn't have to wait until after dinner.

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you for reading! This was inspired by a guy on YouTube who is way braver than I am.
> 
> https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_47A9Z28U3I&t=15s
> 
> Toss a comment to your writer and all that!


End file.
